The importance of planning

What I wouldn't give, to know what I now know about perimenopause, 20 years ago! If I had known how it would affect my life, I probably would have made different conscious choices about the direction I took, and what I did with myself in my early "career" years.

For the record, I spent my 20's in a very bohemian mode. I was intent on being a professional writer, and I spent the bulk of my time working on novels and poetry and essays. At the time, I thought it was the best use of my time, and I have to say, the past 32 years of writing constantly have not hurt my craft one bit.

However, had I known how hard perimenopause would hit me -- how intolerant it would make me of the everyday bullshit that is a regular part of life, to be accepted and dealt with... how impatient I would become with outright foolishness, vanity, pride, and hubris... how short my temper would become in the face of oblivious human frailty... how eager I would become to speak out against travesties and take people to task for doing Bad Things... well, I probably would have put more of my energy into making money and building a career, up front, and saving my bohemian inclinations for my 40's.

I'm fortunate, in that I have an affinity for money, and I've always been able to make plenty, so I've got a safety net to buffer any falls I might experience along the way, at this point in my life. But my amassing of wealth has been instinctive, not intentional, and I haven't really had a definite plan about what my professional life/career would turn into, over time. Nor did I develop a definite financial strategy, until I was in my 30's. I had thought a lot about money in my 20's, and I had planned to be in really good shape, financially, by the time I got to 35-40 (and I accomplished this several years "ahead of schedule"), but as far as my life planning and taking time out of the rat race and stepping away from the corporate dramas... well, I never really developed an exit strategy for this time in my life.

And an exit strategy is what I've been needing. Because in all honesty, I can't see the sense in doing a lot of the ass-kissing and the tolerant tongue-biting that's required to function in today's corporate atmosphere. Maybe it's always been like this, and I'm just now finding out what generations of corporate drones have always known... that you just have to suck it up, and if you're lucky, they'll let you live to see another day.

But dude, I'm perimenopausal, and that means I'm waaaaaay intolerant of outright, overt, oblivious stupidity that gets swept under the rug just 'cause "it is what it is". I'm waaaaaay past being able to turn a blind eye to the contradictions and hypocrisy that are so rampant today, and I'm NOT willing to put up with the crap all around me, for the sake of belonging to the group.

I've never been much of a joiner, and perimenopause is making me even less cooperative with the usual world around me. As the hot flashes come, and I notice more and more of the inequity and injustice and iniquity of the world around me, I'm like that kid in the crowd, who can't help but shout out, "The Emperor Has No Clothes!"

The only problem is, I'm a 40-ish woman with a household to support, and I can't very well go running around calling my superiors on all their crap... and expect to remain gainfully employed for long. It's probably time I went back to contracting, time I went back to doing somewhat brief stints at companies to make the money, without having to drink the proverbial Kool-Aid and pretend I believe all the crap they shovel on a regular basis. I'll do the job. They'll pay me money. I don't have to like them, and they don't have to like me. I'm perimenopausal, dude, and I need a new strategy for making ends meet, that doesn't involve sucking up or biting my tongue or pretending outright foolishness doesn't bother me.